All Things Go
by PorcupineGirl
Summary: Another fic about the missing scene and aftermath of All Things, but can there really be too many? Scully made her choice, and had gone to Mulder's apartment to act on it - but Mulder's fears aren't easily brushed aside. One-shot.


**A/N:** This one-shot is my first X-Files fic. There are tons of All Things stories, but I hadn't seen any that quite fit how I imagined it, so I thought I'd add one more. So many of them have Mulder and Scully falling into bed in the heat of the moment, but I came away from the episode feeling like this was a deliberate choice on her part after all of her experiences. Please review, I'd love to get honest feedback before I try another X-Files fic!

_I made a lot of mistakes  
In my mind, in my mind_

Scully opened her eyes blearily, blinking in the fishtank-lit darkness. She slowly registered the blanket around her, the empty spot on the couch next to her, and finally the soft sound of someone shifting under the covers in the next room.

"Shit." She closed her eyes and leaned her head back as she muttered to herself. This was not how the night was supposed to end. She winced and rubbed her neck - upright on a couch was not the best way to sleep, even if she hadn't been planning something else entirely. She sighed and looked at her watch. She'd been asleep for just over an hour.

Now what? All the lessons she'd learned in the past two days, all the voices inside herself she'd finally decided to listen to… Would she lay down on the couch and push them out of her mind? Had the moment passed?

She pushed the blanket off of her and stood up to get a glass of water and clear her head. Leaning on his kitchen counter, sipping water from his glass, she listened to the rhythmic tap of water dripping from his faucet. She closed her eyes and let herself feel the sound for a moment, then reached out and stopped it. That moment was over. But if there was one thing she needed to understand, one moral to the story that she'd lived, it was that while every moment ends, every moment is followed by a new one. And you can grab _any of them_. She'd been too tired to take the moment she'd intended to, but she had a new chance now. And if Mulder was too far gone into sleep now, there would be tomorrow. Always a new moment, and the one thing she knew was that she had to grab the next available one. Everything in her life had led to this, and she knew where she wanted it to lead next.

She crept quietly to his bedroom door, and was relieved to find it ajar. She gave it a push and it swung silently open. As her eyes adjusted to the darker room, she became uncomfortably aware of how many layers of clothing she was wearing. She felt like she was dressed to leave at any moment. She took her jacket off and laid it down on some convenient surface as she approached the bed. The last thing she wanted was to give the impression that she planned to do anything other than stay.

"Mulder? Are you awake?" she called softly, not wanting to disturb him if he was, in fact, sound asleep.

"Mmmm. Hey, I was just barely drifting off," he lied. He'd been wide awake ever since he left the couch, partially thanks to jet lag and partially thanks to his obsessive mind. He'd heard her get up, get the water. Laid there with his heart pounding, hoping the next sound he heard wouldn't be her opening the apartment door and walking out. He felt like they hadn't finished their conversation and worried that if they didn't finish it first thing in the morning, the moment would be lost forever.

When his bedroom door had opened, it had taken all his willpower to feign sleep. If she was just looking in on him before she left, the last thing he wanted to do was reveal how much he wanted her there and make her feel obligated to stay. The last thing he'd ever wanted was for her to feel obligated to him for anything.

She took two more tentative steps toward the bed. "Sorry, I fell asleep before we finished talking. I had a few more things that I really wanted to say to you tonight. Most of all, I wanted to let you know that I've made a decision."

He pushed himself into a sitting position and turned on a lamp as his heart raced. Again, only his will of steel kept his face from betraying his thrill at the turn the night had taken. He was used to this, used to meting out his reactions to her carefully, always scared that too much enthusiasm would push her away. But he smiled at her gently as she sat down on the edge of his bed, and he knew the adoration shone from his eyes. It had been years since he'd stopped trying to hide that, and so far she'd stayed.

"A decision? I'm all ears."

The way he looked at her felt warm, inviting, familiar; she relaxed. If she'd had any doubt about the path she'd chosen, it was gone. She shifted to sit a bit closer to him. His hands were clasped in his lap, and she laid her hand on his arm.

"Obviously, seeing Daniel again stirred up a lot of old feelings in me," she began slowly. Mulder carefully kept his face from changing one bit. He didn't like this opening much, but it could go in many directions. He could be patient. "But from the moment I saw his name on that x-ray, long before I ever got to talk to Maggie about it, one thing I knew for sure was that I wasn't in love with him anymore, and I never would be again. I care about him, I always will. And for a few minutes, I felt… I felt the shadow of what being in love with him was like. And that was what truly woke me up. Feeling that shadow, it felt more solidly in the past than it ever has before. And it paled in comparison to my present."

Until the last sentence, her voice had been calm, controlled, searching for exactly the right word every step of the way. But her last seven words were throaty, filled with emotion. Mulder fought against his body to keep his breathing slow and measured, but let himself rest his hand on hers. She smiled at the gesture and continued, gazing into his eyes.

"Right now, the time I spend with you is… it's not just where I find my happiness, it's what I live for. But even in that, I've realized that I focus too much on the work we do together, and not enough on the happiness we could have."

She slid her hand from beneath his, running her fingers slowly down his forearm. For Mulder, time stood still as he felt the full effect of her fingertips - even, just a little, her nails - against his skin. She had to be aware of the effect it had on him. This had to be intentional, but he didn't dare assume it. He'd spent too long suppressing the urges she seemed to want to bring out. Too much time carefully protecting their jobs - not just their jobs, the life they'd created together. He was too afraid of losing her to really have her.

As her hand reached his, he grasped it. He wanted to pull her to him, but he was frozen. There had been too many truths played off as jokes, too many intimacies that were wholly heartfelt but ultimately platonic. He needed a clear communication of her intent. He couldn't bear to make a move without it. She had always been the one thing he couldn't put at risk, even to get more of her. Since he couldn't respond to her physically, he finally found something to say.

"Sitting here, listening to you pour your heart out… That's bliss. I think we do focus on work too much." He paused for a second, afraid to even ask the question. "So what's the decision you've made?"

Scully had known that she would have to make the first move. Not that he'd never made a single advance before, but only when it was safe. When it could be brushed off or explained away had she not responded how he wanted her to - when he was still addled after his Nazi dream, or for New Year's Eve. She pretended that this was out of respect for her, but she was pretty sure that that was only a small part of it. The truth was that even though he was incredibly handsome and a gun-toting FBI agent… what Fox Mulder really boiled down to was the hottest awkward nerd on the planet. And awkward nerds don't make moves on pretty girls, least of all pretty girls that they're friends with. They'd rather keep the friendship than risk rejection. This thought made her grin as she leaned into him.

Her first kiss was gentle, sweet, nothing they hadn't shared before. She pulled away just long enough to bring her hands up to the back of his neck, plunging her fingers into his hair before pulling him into her again. This kiss was hungry, passionate, something new. He grasped at her waist, pulling her even closer. But the spell of fear that had held him back for so long wasn't completely broken yet.

When their lips parted again, his breath was heavy. "Scully," he panted, "are you sure about this?"

"Absolutely," she whispered, and began to move her lips back onto his - but his fingers stopped her. It was possibly the hardest thing he'd ever done.

"Not just tonight," he said softly. His eyes searched hers, begged her to say yes to everything. "Once this dam breaks, I can't go back. I want this to be our future, and I need to know that you want that, too. I need to hear it." Visions of his worst fears flashed through his head - of her rushing out of his apartment full of regrets, of awkward conversations and a painful lack of eye contact at work.

Scully had trouble processing the mix of emotions that flooded her in that moment. She was ecstatic to hear the words from him, sad that he even had to ask, worried that he might not believe her, comforted that he cared enough to make all this clear now instead of figuring it out awkwardly afterward. She listened to the rhythm of their breathing, heavy and in synch for just a moment.

"Of course I do," she finally murmured, "Mulder, I love you. I can't wait to find out what our future will be. Together." Mulder's face broke out in a beatific grin, causing her to giggle and follow suit.

She swung her leg around and straddled him. She decided she liked this position - it evened out their height differences nicely. His eyes finally left hers to trace a hungry line down her body, and she realized that he had never once looked at her like this. At least, not when she could see. The lovey-dovey bits out of the way, she found herself incredibly turned on as he undressed her with his eyes. His gaze finally met hers again, and he pulled her in roughly. Finally, there was nothing else standing in their way.

* * *

Afterward, as she was drifting off to sleep with her arms and legs wrapped around him, she woke back up with a start.

"Mulder! Mulder, what time is your alarm set for?"

He was already asleep, but managed to open one eye and bang at the alarm clock until it gave him the information he wanted. "Seven, but I don't think it's on."

"Could you turn it on? I just remembered that I'm scheduled to perform an autopsy at 9am tomorrow. Seven should give me enough time to go home and change."

"On a Saturday? Jeez, Scully, we do focus on work too much. You know that's five hours from now, right?"

She grinned down at him and kissed his ear. "Luckily, I think you've ensured that I'll sleep like a baby tonight."

* * *

He woke up the next morning slowly. He seemed to remember setting his alarm, but he felt like he'd slept through it. Then it came back to him in a flood, all the emotions, all the sensations. He stared at the empty bed next to him. Thank God she'd warned him about leaving early. He couldn't imagine the rejection he'd feel if he'd woken up alone with no explanation. As it was, it didn't feel great.

He looked at the clock - just after eleven. Her autopsy should be over with by now. He grabbed his phone and then hesitated. What was he going to say to her? He felt like a teenager again, like he had after the first time he kissed a girl at a party only to have her ignore him at school that Monday. "Get a grip, Mulder," he chastised the phone.

She picked up on the second ring. "Hey, you're awake."

"And you're done with your autopsy."

"I am. I'm just finishing up the paperwork for it and then I'm out of here. Maybe 20 more minutes. What are you doing today?"

"Truth be told, I could do some paperwork myself, but it can wait. I'd rather spend some time with you. You and no monsters and no Skinner and no aliens or clones or incompetent local police compromising our crime scene." This wasn't so hard. Not hard at all, actually. The last of his fears were melting away as they talked. If anything, it felt more natural than usual. All those things that used to hide just under the surface could finally bubble up and take the form of actual words that he could actually say to her. It was surprisingly nice, just being able to tell her that he wanted to spend time with her.

She laughed, "Well I suppose after last night, the least you could do is buy me dinner."

"It's not even noon," he pointed out, trying not to whine, "Dinner's such a long way away. You could come over here and we could have sex again. That was fun."

"Why don't I stop by with lunch when I'm done? Then you can take me out to dinner at a more appropriate time. And we'll see about fitting sex in there somewhere."

"Sounds like a plan."

By the time she knocked on the door, he was showered and dressed, and was busy pretending to be busy rather than waiting around for her to arrive. When he opened the door, she held out Chinese takeout boxes toward him. He hastily set them down on the coffee table as they said their greetings, then went back to her and slid his hands around her waist. There was no hesitation as he kissed her a rather passionate hello.

She finally managed to pull away, although she continued to nuzzle his face as she spoke. "No really, Mulder, I'm starving. Sex later. Food first." She caught his eye and nodded toward the takeout boxes. "Food."

"You mean sex?"

She finally laughed and pushed him out of her way. They settled into the couch and started digging into the fried rice and General's chicken. They chatted a bit about this and that, how Scully's autopsy had gone.

"You know what's going to be hardest about this?" Mulder asked during a lull in the conversation.

"What's that?"

"Keeping my hands off of you at work." His eyes were traveling down her body again, remembering everything they'd seen the night before. "I'm going to have to come up with something to remind myself not to grab you inappropriately, like a rubber band on my wrist I can snap or something."

"You could do it once in front of Skinner, and maybe the ass-kicking he'd give you would serve as a future reminder."

Their eyes met again, and the playful smile faded from Mulder's face. "We are going to have to be careful. This would be the perfect excuse to take one of us off of the X-Files; we can't give them that."

"I know. I don't want to put that at risk any more than you do. But we'll be fine, Mulder. We're professionals, we can compartmentalize work and play. One thing, though."

"Yeah?"

"Don't get so paranoid about it that you stop making googly eyes at me all the time."

"I do not make - what? Scully, I don't -"

"Okay, okay, loving gazes, tender stares, whatever you want to call them!" They were both laughing now; Scully tried to convey her seriousness but couldn't stop smiling. "The fact is, the way you look at me is kind of… obvious. But it's been going on for so long that nobody we deal with regularly thinks about it anymore. But if you try to stop, I guarantee that Skinner at least will notice and he'll know immediately that something happened."

"So you're saying it's vitally important that I keep staring at you like a schoolboy?"

"Yes."

"Done."

"But _don't_ look at me the way you did a minute ago. When you were talking about keeping your hands off of me. I mean," her grin became sly and she blushed just a tiny bit, "please do look at me like that, just not in front of anyone else."

His eyes were immediately wandering again at the mention of it. He moved closer to her on the couch and slid his arm around her waist. "Done."

She leaned her head on his shoulder. "I think we'll be fine, Agent Mulder. As long as Skinner doesn't come banging on one of our doors late at night and finds us in a compromising position."

Mulder shrugged. "Even that we can get out of once. We claim that we'd had a bit to drink, we'd never done anything like that before and swear it will never happen again."

"You think he'd buy that?"

"Not for a minute, even if it were true, but I think he'd play along the first time. It'd only work once, though." Scully smiled up at him, and he leaned down and kissed her gently. "I'll do whatever it takes to protect this. Us. Trust me, Scully, I've spent too much time thinking we could never actually be boyfriend and girlfriend -"

Scully's face involuntarily scrunched up, chagrined. She looked like he'd just told her that the Lone Gunmen would be staying at her house for a week. For Mulder, the moment stretched out forever. He thought he'd been so careful, so clear about his intentions. He had finally let himself be convinced that this was real, but had he assumed too much? Exactly how foolish did he seem to her right now?

She saw the stunned and frightened look on his face and realized that she'd reacted more strongly to the words than she'd intended. "No no, it's okay. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make that face. I just… I am completely, one hundred percent in agreement with the intention. But the words. 'Boyfriend, girlfriend,'" her face was scrunching up again, "They sound so… high school?" Mulder let out a relieved laugh. "I know, I know that's ridiculous, plenty of adults use those terms. But do _we_ have to? Maybe we don't need to give this a name."

He watched her pretty face for a moment, ran a finger down her perfect jawline. "You're my partner."

She smiled. It was so simple.

_I fell in love again  
All things go, all things go_

_Lyrics credit: Sufjan Stevens, Chicago  
_


End file.
